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Editorial Edits

I edited Kelly Scheuler and Jordan Wipf's papers

Editorial

One Bite for Man, One Giant Problem for Mankind.

            In the United States, one can find a McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, or Wendy’s in nearly every city. Although eating fast food in moderation may not be harmful to the human body, regular consumption will, and has caused serious health problems.

            The ill effect of fast food and the potential danger it possesses is something American’s need to realize. Soaked in trans fat and loaded with calories, fast food has been labeled as “health hazards” by many medical professionals. Obesity, increase in cholesterol levels and cardiac disorders are three of fast food consumptions biggest downfalls.

            According to Buzzle.com, “The processed food used in the fast food industry is loaded with trans fat, which not only increases the ‘bad cholesterol’ levels but also reduces the ‘good cholesterol’ levels. Processed meat used by fast food industries can sometimes have 45% more trans fat than their natural counterparts.” Cholesterol levels may increase as well- which is extremely dangerous to humans. When cholesterol molecules attach themselves to a person’s arteries, they will become clogged. Having clogged arteries could lead to a heart attack, or even heart failure.              

            Studies have shown that although a small amount of salt is needed for bodily functions, excessive amounts can cause health complications. Fast food contains large amounts of sodium, which can lead to hypertension and high blood pressure.

            Researchers have also found a direct link between fast food consumption and obesity. According to Buzzle.com, “Obesity has been ranked the number one health threat for Americans; it is also the second leading cause of preventable death in United States which claims up to 400,000 lives a year.” Weight gain and an increased body mass index, can and may lead to heart problems, diabetes, hyper tension, blocked arteries, increase in cholesterol levels, malnutrition, and loss of muscle mass.

            Americans need to be aware of what they are putting into their bodies. Although fast food may be delicious and satisfying every once and awhile, many need to cut it out of their lifestyle altogether. One bite into a McDonalds Hamburger or a KFC chicken wing is just simply not worth the harm it will do to one’s body.  

Editorial Questions

1. What is a problem/issue that our entire student body (our school, community, country, etc.) faces today?
Fast food/ preservatives are making our country even more fat.

2. What is your view/position on the problem or situation?
We need to stop eating excessive amounts of processed/fast foods

3. What would you like to achieve with your editorial? (What is the desired result?)
To persuade people to steer clear of junky foods

4. How will you persuade your audience to adopt your viewpoint as theirs? List at least 4 persuasive points.
A) Clogs arteries
B) Obesity statistics
C) Reduces lifespan
D) Reduces mobility

5. How will you motivate your readership to action in your conclusion?
Persuasive phrases, real- life statistics, negative consequences.

6. How will your editorial serve a public purpose?
It will inform people on the dangers of unhealthy eating habbits and the effects processed food can have on the human body.

Articles...
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/editorial-topics-for-high-school-students.html

Feature Story Edits

I edited Jordan Wipf and Rachel Raske's feature stories.

Feature Story

I was seven years old and about to go out on a sailboat for the first time.  I put on my pink tie dye swimsuit and headed out the front door of my great uncle’s house. I walked through a patch of dandelions then down the steep, muddy hill to get to the boat dock.

I had never seen a sailboat anywhere but in movies before, so I was pretty shocked by its size. The mast was taller than any tree I had seen before, and the sails looked like 4 king size bed sheets sewn together. The boat was meant to sail on the ocean, so it was gigantic in comparison to the tiny Minnesota lake it was floating on. As I approached the sailboat, I saw that you could even go below the deck! There was a bedroom, a kitchen and everything!

 I was so mystified by the sailboat that I didn’t notice my uncle Earl sneaking up on me. Next thing I knew, he was sweeping me up into his arms and tickling my sides as I squealed for him to “put me down!” He laughed and set me back down on the dock.

My cousins and the rest of my family were already sitting in the boat, ready to go when I got there. My uncle Earl lifted me up and set my down in the sailboat. I was about to go sit down next to my mom and dad when my uncle said, “Ave, I can’t steer this thing by myself!”

I was ecstatic. Not only did I get to be on a sailboat, I got to steer one too! I ran over by my uncle and off we went.

We sailed around the lake for a few hours. The women were tanning while the men threw out a fishing line or two. I wanted to be like my dad and my uncle, who happened to be descent fishermen, so I decided to fish a little bit myself. My uncle had my aunt steer the sailboat while he went to get me a fishing pole. He came back with a neon orange snoopy fishing rod and put a worm on the hook for me.

I ended up catching two sunfish, which were added to the grand total of 40 fish everyone had caught. However, the sun was setting, so we decided to call it a day and sailed back to the house.

As the years passed, I grew older and it seemed as though my sailing days were dwindling. I didn’t have time to go up to Ashby and sail with my uncle on the weekends like I used to- and I missed it.

Since I couldn’t visit, my uncle always came to see me. Whether it was big or small, he came to every birthday party and holiday my family celebrated. I looked forward to every time I got to see my great uncle Earl. He was free-spirited, easy- going and someone that I truly looked up to.

   On Tuesday, July 24^th, 2007, the weekend of fishing opener, my uncle was on his way home from work on his motorcycle. He was riding down the same country road he does every day, when something unexpected happened. A drunk driver hit him while trying to turn into the parking lot of another bar.

 My uncle was not dead, yet he was in critical condition and immediately rushed to the hospital. For months he remained in a coma, was covered in bruises and cuts, and even had to have one of his legs amputated. The doctors told us they weren’t sure he would ever come around, and if he did, he would never walk or talk again. My family and I were devastated.

 “I was horrified [about the situation]. I was sad for him, I was sad for his kids, and felt just a feeling of utter disgust towards the guy that hit him,” said Lori Haugesag.

   After months of suffering, my uncle Earl passed away.

“Earl was the best friend you always wanted, said Todd Haugesag. "He was fun, he wanted to do fun stuff, and he just loved having good times."

   It’s been years now and still, not a day has passed that I don’t think about my uncle. The decision that man made to drink and drive is something I will never understand. My dad once told me, “when someone you love or someone in your family is affected by someone who is drinking and driving, it completely changes your viewpoint. It makes you aware of how dangerous it really is.”

Since Earl passed away, his presence has not been forgotten. “I just miss him in general,” said my mom. “I don't like seeing the impact of his death on the people that loved him so much. The things he had to go through after he was hit were terrible; I wish he wouldn't have had to suffer for someone else's mistake.” My dad misses everything about Earl as well. “I miss fishing with him, talking to him, and spending time with him. For me it was like losing a father or a brother.”

As I grew older, I found out things about Earl I never knew. I learned about his past and his relationship with both my mom and dad.

    “Earl was my best girl friend, Vicki's, dad. He was unlike any other parent I had met before- he was always really cool. Ironically, he ended up being my husband's uncle- they were the best of friends,” my mom told me.

    As my dad reminisced, he informed me on the first time he really hung out with my uncle Earl. “We were really close because my parents were divorced. I didn't see and get to know Earl very well until I was 22 when I went out to California. My dad urged me to stop in and visit him while I was out there. I walked into uncle Earl's office and he looked at me and he looked at his secretary and said, "I'll be back in a week.” From then on, Earl became one of my father’s closest friends.

  The final and most intriguing thing I found out about my uncle was where he had been living before he moved to Ashby, Minnesota. He had been living out on the west coast, in San Diego, California. However, he wasn’t living in any ordinary California home; he was living somewhere very familiar to me, somewhere I have known well since I was just a little girl. He was living out on the ocean-

   On his big, white sailboat.

Feature story questions

Topic: my great uncle being hit and killed by a drunk driver while on his motorcycle.
Must be 1,200 words.

Lori Haugesag:

1. What was your initial reaction to the accident?
 My initial reaction to the accident was that I was horrified. I was sad for him, I was sad for his kids, and felt just a feeling of utter disgust towards the guy that hit him.

2. What will you miss most about Earl Haugesag?
 I just miss him in general. I don't like seeing the impact of his death on the people that loved him so much. The things he had to go through after he was hit were terrible, I wish he wouldn't of had to suffer for someone else's mistake.

3. What is your fondest memory of Earl?
Earl was always the cool dad. Earl was my best friend Vicki's dad. He lived out in San Diego on a house boat and wasn't like any other parent I had met before. It was ironic that he ended up being my husband's uncle- they were the best of friends.


Todd Haugesag:

1. What was your relationship with Earl? Were the two of you close?
Yeah we were really close because my parents were divorced. I didn't see Earl and get to know Earl very much until I was 22 when I went out to California. My dad urged me to stop in and visit him while I was out there. I walked into uncle Earl's office and he looked at me and he looked at his secretary and said, "I'll be back in a week." At the time, he was living on a sailboat in San Diego.

2. Tell me a little about Earl. What was he like?
Earl was the best friend you always wanted. He was fun, you know, he wanted to do fun stuff, he loved going to Mexico, and you know, he just loved having good times. He was also always about family.

3. What is your view on drinking and driving after the accident happened?
My view on drinking and driving is that you should never drink and drive. I'll admit, I've done it in the past, but when someone you love, or someone in your family is affected by someone who is drinking and driving, it completely changes your viewpoint. It makes you aware of how dangerous it really is.

4. What will you miss most about Earl?
I miss everything about Earl. I miss fishing wtih him, talking to him, and spending time with him. For me it was like losing a father or a brother.

5. What is your fondest memory of Earl?
I drove out to Califonia to see Earl after I had been in a really bad car accident because I had some time off of work. We went out on the sailboat and even went to Ensenada, Mexico.